Next time you are outside and it’s a warm, sunny day, give yourself a gift. Unless you are standing on the side of a highway or street full of traffic and exhaust, stop rushing somewhere and take it all in. Close your eyes and breathe in the summer-ness. Isn’t it delicious?

June may be the month of weddings and the celebration of love between two people but here at You Rev headquarters it’s all about loving yourself. You may have heard the expression, “you can’t really love someone until you love yourself.” And what’s not to love, though we sometimes don’t act like we believe that. This month’s article, “You, What’s Not To Love?” explores what happens when we withhold love for ourselves and make the love and care of others a priority.

Suze Orman’s new book, Women & Money: Owning the Power to Control Your Destiny, believes that self love includes taking control of your money.

A dessert I love most of all for summer, versatile as you’ll see, features this month’s berry—the strawberry.

As always I invite you to contact me to talk about what a coaching program can do to move you towards fully loving yourself and more. 

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It is hard to escape the connection between June and weddings. This got me thinking about marriage and the different kinds of love.

Marriage is not for the faint of heart. Neither is loving oneself unconditionally which is the basis for any healthy relationship. Ain’t that a bitch?! Love all the ugly? Yup, cause it’s only you calling it that.

At the risk of repeating myself from other articles let me say this:

You are whole and complete when you come into the world; a miracle of creation. As Dr. Sue Morter would say, “You come into the world with your bag fully packed. It never left your side so you know that no one took anything out that you needed, nor put in anything that you might not want.”

Love relationships are successful when the lovers have had good mentors.

The relationship mentors will have a healthy sense of self-love or self-esteem or they cannot live it. More than likely they will have been nurturing, caring, and supportive to us as well as to themselves and each other.

People who have suffered mental or physical abuse, rejection, chaos, or abandonment are likely to be confused about their sense of self worth.

If you grew up hearing, “you are so clumsy” or “what a stupid girl” and “Daddy left and it’s your fault” you might be holding subconscious ideas about your adult self that reflect those words. Empowering? Hardly. Self-doubt and condemnation will be the soundtrack playing softly in the background of your adult life.

So what to do about this self love/self esteem thing?

Millions of entries show up in a Google search for those phrases, la la gurus market it with bubble bath and candles, and chances are many of us consider sitting down at the end of a long day with a glass of wine or a large whack of premium chocolate a little bit of self love.

And so they are a part of the process.

Bubbles in the tub or a glass can soothe, stroke, and help us to celebrate our wondrous selves and I encourage those things. When followed by “Ah, I am so loving this bath and Oh lord would you look at those thighs” you’ve just ripped the needle from the Barry White record of self love.

Here is a conversation I overheard the other day while shopping for something to wear.
Shopper 1: “I am so fat I can’t stand it.”
Shopper 2, standing just outside the try on room: “Oh my gawd I feel the same way. I can’t believe I’m such a jerk for eating like my husband all the time when I know it’s not the best way for me to get healthy.”

Sounds like harmless bathing suit shopping horror right? Well it is and isn’t.

While it is common for us to talk about ourselves in negative terms, it is not harmless. This kind of talk also means our identity is bound up in a temporal, aging, changing, physical form.

We are not our thighs!

The body is the vehicle through which we experience our lives. That is all.

But what about repeating actions we know are not best for us, doesn’t that qualify as stupid?

My answer to that is this: Don’t judge yourself one way or the other. You are neither stupid nor smart when you decide to do something. Look at your action as supportive or not supportive. Chose one and be ok with it.

Judging ourselves sets us up to judge others and that’s the beginning of the Catch 22 game of “I am not good enough but neither are you.”

 “I don’t deserve to be happy,” you might say. Phooey, you come in worthy of all that is good and joyous. Worthy is in your DNA.

“I am not strong enough to change my body,” you plead. You most certainly are. What in your life so far has killed you? Has your life not proven that you stronger than you know until put to a test?

Just like love. Love is the ultimate strength. Can you see how loving yourself is where the power is?

“I’m such an idiot” is one of my favorite, easy-to-roll-off-the-tongue poisons to the relationship I have with me. Am I? No. “So what’s the big deal?” you ask.” It’s just words.”

The big deal is that your mind accepts what you say, think, or experience as the same. Repeated actions, words, and experiences will shape the brain into grooves. Once the grooves are there the needle plays over and over in that groove and it is harder for us to do something or think something differently. “I am an idiot” is the same as “I am brilliant” as far as the mind is concerned. But which would you rather see yourself as?

There’s more. If you allow that the Law of Attraction is real then you must also believe in the concept of vibrations. We create vibrations every minute because we are energy. Negative thoughts and words are low on the vibration totem pole. They go out and find other low vibrations to tune in to and you get less of what you want. More importantly, you “Be” less than is possible for you when you treat yourself poorly.

"If you put a small value on yourself, rest assured that the world will not raise your price." -Anonymous'

You are the baby everyone thought was perfect and lovable. You are the child you are raising, or the other “you” you are loving that you cherish and want to protect with all your heart. You are doing the best you can or you would do something else—I promise.

Will you try something? Tell your brain that you want to become more aware of your self talk. Listen for the things you say throughout the day and see if they are loving and supportive or not.

If not see how you might change how you say something to raise your vibration.

Yesterday while working on this article I looked at the clock. It was 3:15pm. Suddenly I realized that I had 45 minutes to get to the bank to do a transfer so my property tax check would clear today. Immediately I got out my mental cane and started whipping. “How stupid can I get, why didn’t I do this yesterday……” Then I caught myself and changed my thinking. I even talked to myself out loud to make it more powerful.

“Wow, how cool is this living intentionally stuff? I listen to my inner wisdom and I’m reminded in plenty of time to do this bank transfer. Nothing like a deadline to get me to into action” said I. What a hoot. It made me smile and that’s a higher vibration and suddenly I felt good about getting the transfer done on time, period.

Try to let your judging, negative voice go. Be loving and forgiving. Be gentle. Just the way you do for others. Marry yourself. Make the commitment to love all of you and see what you are up to as brilliant and exactly as it should be. Do it if for no other reason than that it will, guaranteed, make your life better. 

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Lemon Curd with Strawberries in Filo Baskets
Serves 6

Lemon curd, if you’ve never had it, is a custardy, pudding-like sweet and tart dessert component. It is also served with scones as a spread. The lemon’s heavenly flavor made all the more luscious with the addition of eggs, sweet butter and sugar. Some recipes will tell you to cook the custard over a pot of boiling water to prevent curdling. You can do that if you are new to egg based puddings or custards but I say live on the edge and just do it over a low flame. It goes faster.

Filo baskets only look difficult and filo is readily available in the frozen section of most supermarkets.

Curd:
Ingredients and Items Needed:

• 1 tablespoon plus 2 teaspoons finely grated fresh lemon zest
• 1 cup fresh squeezed lemon juice
• 1 1/3 cups white sugar
• 4 large eggs
• 1 3/4 sticks (3/4 cup plus 2 tablespoons) unsalted butter, cut into tablespoon pieces
• Stainless or glass bowl medium sized
• Ice
• Strainer

Method

1. Whisk together zest, lemon juice, sugar, eggs, and a pinch of salt in a 2-quart heavy saucepan.
   Whisk until the mixture is thoroughly blended.
   Note - I have used a non-stick wok, a copper pot, and a stainless steal pot. I would not use aluminum as it will color the curd and grey is not an appetizing color for food unless you are an oyster.
2. Add butter all at once and cook over moderately low heat, whisking constantly, until curd is thick enough to hold marks of whisk and first bubbles appear on surface, about 10 minutes.
3. Immediately pour curd through a fine sieve into a bowl nested inside another bowl which you have a layer of ice in.
4. Stir the curd to release some of the heat.
5. When it is room temp cover and refrigerate til ready to use. At least one hour, preferably more.

Lemon curd keeps, covered and chilled, 1 week.

Baskets:
Ingredients and Items Needed:

• 1 package of filo dough
• 1 Cup of Clarified or melted butter-1 lb. of butter to start
• 1/4 Cup white sugar
• Regular sized Muffin tins—not the jumbo tops and not the minis
• Pastry or small paint brush that you use only for food
• Ruler and sharp knife

Method

1. Pre-heat the oven to 375.
2. Roll out one package of the filo dough. Work quickly so it does not dry out.
3. You want a square to start with so measure the sheets on the short end first.
4. Then measure out the exact same length as the short side on the other side and cut there.
5. Now that you have a square you want to cut it into 4 small squares. I would use the ruler to find the middle and then use it as a guide to cut them evenly.
6. Stack all sheets and cover with a dry towel or plastic just laid on top.
7. Gather the melted butter, sugar, brush and muffin tin.
8. Brush the muffin holes with melted butter.
9. Lay one sheet of filo on the board brush with melted butter.
10. Sprinkle a wee bit of sugar on the sheet and lay another one on top.
11. You will repeat the above process 3 times total but each new set of two layers will be placed on top so that the corners of the first one are not lined up with the next one.
    What you are going to be creating is a star shape.
12. Once you have your 6 sheets total, pick up the filo star and place it into a muffin tin.
13. Press the dough gently down into the cup.
14. Make as many baskets as you need and leave space between them so they cook evenly.
15. Bake them in the middle of your oven until light brown. There is a bit of carry over cooking so set a timer for 10 minutes and see where they are in the process.

Berries
Ingredients:

• 4 berries per person depending on how large they are
• ½ cup of Grand Marnier, or Cassis, or orange juice

Method

1. Cut the berries if they are large so that the pieces will fit in the baskets.
2. Pour the booze or juice over berries and toss. You can let them sit in this for hours, it only gets better.

Assembly

1. Get your plates and place a tiny dab of curd in the center of each one.
2. Position a basket over the dab to anchor it in place.
3. Spoon some curd into the basket, fill it about half way.
4. Spoon the berries and some juice in on top. Let the berries fall to the plate if you like that look.
5. Sprinkle with powdered sugar and Voila! You are a pastry chef.

Need a bit of excess? Whip ½ cup of heavy cream and fold it into the curd. I am a purist when it comes to my curd but I know this addition is the bomb for some people.

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Women & Money:
Owning the Power to Control Your Destiny
by Suze Orman

In keeping with my money theme from last month this book is a practical how-to for getting to know your financial self and maximize your money management so your money lasts as long as you do.

“If money is the difference between a future of security and comfort and a future of doubt and fear; if money is a major factor in your personal happiness; if money is a reflection of how you value and perceive yourself…why don’t you take better care of your money?”

Can’t you just see her big eyes asking you that question and demanding an answer? She answers it for us and is the why behind a book on money addressed only to women.

Suze discovered that whether in a room with high powered, successful professionals or successfully staying-at-home moms, the core problem is universal: When it comes to making decisions with money, we refuse to own our power, to act in our own best interest. Suze maintains that by taking care of ourselves financially we will truly be able to take care of those we love.

My readers are smart and come in all financial shapes and sizes. I wager to say that our common ground is that we all have room for improvement.

• Got a will? Is it signed?
• Do you know if your money market funds are keeping pace with at least the top 20% of funds?
• Do you pay fees for checking and bill paying?
• If you and your husband have joint investments are you familiar with all of them?
• If you have a broker/financial planner does she do the heavy lifting of managing the money while you read—or sometimes shove away for another day—your statements?
• Are you willingly working for less than you know you could command?

The list of how we live in the dark about our money could fill a page but you get the point.

The mainstay of the book is the Save Yourself Plan which is based on actions to take and principals to learn. It is not comprehensive as she has written seven other books which cover various topics in great detail. This is a checklist with lessons and is broken down into manageable tasks to be done over the period of 5 months. You can do them sooner but this target gives you a good chance of success since it’s so spread out.

Overriding all of the above is the concept of valuing/loving ourselves to put ourselves out of harm’s way which sometimes involves saying “no” to a loved one. Suze encourages us, in a chapter entitled The Commitments, to “be as committed to yourself as you are to others.” See if you find yourself in the list on page 214. It gives examples of women with big hearts who take risks to honor a relationship rather than self. One will cash in on home equity to support a spouse through a midlife crisis so he can feel fulfilled by quitting his job to start a new business. Another might co-sign a loan for a friend who is a financial train wreck knowing it isn’t safe but wanting “to help.”  The list goes on—powerful stuff indeed.

This book got me looking at fees for services I don’t have to pay for. I’ve also taken my will to be notarized—it’s been sitting on my desk for almost a year. I am going to take on the five month program so I can peek into the corners I ignore and see if they hold sound ideas at their root or lazy thinking which needs to be replaced.

Suze says “we must do what’s hard if we want to have it easy.” Nothing new there but put into practice it’s a powerful way to say “I value me.”

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Q&A
Be sure to send your questions to Greg so she can answer them here in future issues of The You Revolution. Send her an

Q: It is customary to drink a beverage with meals. Recently I heard that drinking too much is not good but I didn’t hear why? Also does it make a difference if the drink is hot or cold?

A: Thank you for such an easy question this month!

There is no clear evidence that drinking water while you eat dilutes the acid and enzymes that the gut uses for digestion. So it becomes a matter of preference. Digestion and metabolism are water-based processes but the body will draw what it needs from a healthy, well watered body regardless of whether you drink while eating or not.

As to the hot or cold debate here is what I can report. Cold water is absorbed by the body faster than warm or hot. This is useful to remember when exercising.

In Ayurvedic practice cold water with meals is said to promote “ama” which are the toxins that develop as the byproducts of poor digestion and metabolism and limit production of “agni” the bodily mechanisms of enzymes involved in digestion. So sipping hot water or tea while eating improves digestion. I got this from Dr. Sinatra’s newsletter of April 2007. He’s one of my always reliable sources of heart and general health information.

Personally I’m a room temp kind of girl when it’s water but my Domaine Ott is never warmer than 46° for maximum rosé enjoyment.

Happy sipping.

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Summertime slows down the pace and it’s no exception here in the coaching world. While the times I am available for one -on-one coaching are few I still have room for a few people who feel there is no time like the present to get started on co-creating what’s next. If you're ready to step up just drop me an email or call the office.

If you are not completely living the healthy life you envision for yourself there is a Lifestyle Tune-Up just around the corner. Simply sign up at the bottom of this page and I will let you know when the next one starts.

In the interest of loving yourself, go with what feels good this month. If you want to lie down in the grass for no apparent reason, go for it. I did the other evening and ended up with a few of the felines lying with me. The grass smell was delicious and for ten minutes I was filled with joy, completely out of my head just being.

Remember this saying?

Dance like there is no one watching,
Love like you’ve never been hurt,
Work like you don’t need the money,
And live like there is no tomorrow.
There is no time like now and if not now, when.

Happy June!

Greg

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Thank you for reading. I know your time is valuable and that there is a mountain of information out there demanding your attention. My highest hope is that I've provided something of value for you. If you know someone who might benefit from any of the content please forward this.

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